I did not take these photos with my iPad. I have ranted before about the iPad not having a FLASH, so I will resist here and note that these equally crappy photos were taken with my phone, a Samsung Galaxy 3 that I despise with every fiber in my being, but our relationship must last at least one more year before I can toss it aside like yesterday’s news and get a phone that I can actually use with some modicum of success.
Remember the poor deer and her zombie child? That deer has just been floating about, looking great but lonely, ever since. I talked with the Shrink today about why I don’t let myself work on art very much, and as you can imagine it’s all very complicated and tied to my childhood and a critical parent, etc. The upshot, in addition to the fact that I need more water in my life (we fell into some astrology talk, yes, it’s a holistic thing), is that I don’t feel safe expressing myself as an artist and I especially don’t feel safe showing my work to people. As I end every fucking sentence from my mouth to the shrink, “I’m a lot better than I used to be!” I’m trying to stop saying that.
I came home today and wasted some time on those match three type games that I am addicted to (currently some Jelly one, a farm animal one and this is really embarrassing the Frozen match three that Disney put out and I know, you guys, I know but the game is pretty darn good and we all have our dirty secrets). Then I flung myself into the studio and looked at that deer and came to a conclusion. I decided I wanted a mirror image sort of thing, almost like a textile (go look at that Frida fabric again if you wonder where inspiration came from). I ignored my internal shrink that started babbling that I was embarking on a piece about a relationship I have recently cut off because I don’t care, and the real shrink that I am paying suggested not judging myself and just “letting go and expressing.”
So I did this on bristol:
Sorry for the shitacular lighting. In this day and age of Dooce and all that it is reprehensible to post bad photos but I can’t spend anymore time on that part of it or guess what? I’ve found another reason not to work on art. This is colored pencil on vellum textured Bristol.
Then I grabbed some trusty copy paper and found my figure:
About four years ago I suddenly stopped wanting to draw hair. I had drawn hair really intensely up until then, to where it was maybe more Fashion Plates than art. I also stopped wanting to draw really detailed clothing, for the most part, and I did a whole series of a girl in a blue hooded dress and cap. I sold that entire series, and that girl in the cap and bell-shaped skirt is still critical to me, so I went with her again. Once I was happy I inked her:
I did not ink her face–I think I lose a lot when I ink the face because then once it goes onto the Bristol, it’s been traced three times and hello? Telephone game in colored pencil. Then I added her into the mirrored deer:
And OH HOLY MOLY do I like it now. So much I had to walk away for a bit so I don’t get all slobbery and try to kiss her too soon. We just need to sit together for a little while, and then I’ll see when the right time to try to hold her hand arrives.