I’m sick. At the almost worst possible time to be sick, I am felled with snot, buzzing nose, ringing ears, cough and fever. I have from now (almost 11:00 am on Friday) until Sunday at about 5:00 pm to get vastly better in time for the first dress rehearsal of 12th Night. I went in today ONLY because I had a student who said she would be in at 9:00 am to work on her build for this show, and my coworker wasn’t going to be in until 11:00. You know how it is, when you are sick, and every step is measured and harder and exhausting? Get up, take a shower, put on the makeup, get dressed, get in the car, go to work. Then, said student didn’t waltz in until just after 10:00 am, when my coworker (knowing I was sick) arrived early. So, there was no reason for me to go in at all. Twenty-year olds and their self-centeredness, I swear. I was offered no apology, either.
So I have dragged myself home. Having EDS and chronic pain and all the related things makes it that much harder to tolerate anything else going wrong. Of course people get sick, but my reserve for such events feels dangerously low already. Something alarming is threatened in my personal life as well, which has taken the stress level to Defcon 11 plus infinity. The personal life thing will likely resolve and go the way of many similar flare ups that seemed really huge and then died out, but again, how much reserve do I have? Daily chronic pain chips away at my reserves until I cannot afford to think anything beyond, “What do I need to do NOW to feel better?” And so, in the face of a bad cold or something that might happen in the future, I have to rededicate myself to just the Now.
Right Now, the possible bad thing hasn’t happened.
Right Now, I do not have to go to dress rehearsal.
Right Now, I am caught up at work.
Right Now, I am hungry and need lunch.
That’s it. Pretty simple. The hardest things are always the simplest.